Chao Patties

PG-13 • gen

Look, I know you're young, and I'd like to give you the benefit
of the doubt here. First, you need to start paying attention in
school. You're /paid/ to go to school, fercryinoutloud, and I'm
inclined to wonder if Mama J is not wasting ten perfectly good
ing a week on you. And second, and I'm sorry, but there is just
no delicate way to put this: please refrain from writing sex
scenes until you have seen an actual penis. I probably shouldn't
be telling you this on account of your age, but they don't
lubricate themselves. Thank you.

This started out as a bit of scenery in a bit of Penumbra novelization I started and then canned, and for some reason people seem to think it's funny (possibly because it's the fucking truth). And okay, this was written in the days before YouTube and MySpace and shit like that. obviously. 

WARNINGS: Lots of bad words, discussion about porn

R • flash fiction

The dentist is not your friend. (WARNING: come on people it is in the horror category and there is a dentist involved, that should tell you something)

PG-13 • flash fiction

It is delicious cake. You must try some. Or else.