Posts tagged with 'stfu'

Dear, dear Governor Goodhair:

  • Posted on April 16, 2009 at 10:47 am

Please shut the fuck up.

No, really.

Shut. The. Fuck. UP.

This? This kind of irresponsible batshit crazytalk coming out of the mouth of our governor (also out of the mouths of people like john Cornyn and whats-er-name, Ms. “BAWWW AZN NAMES R HARD” )? This is why the rest of the country thinks we’re all uneducated trailer-dwelling NASCAR-watching assault-weapon-owning cousin-porking Bible-thumping racist sexist homophobic redneck trash, and I for one am sick and fucking tired of it.

And as much as I would love to move to a state where I won’t have to go “ugh God I swear we are not all like this” a couple times a week because some idiot in a position of power has said or done something stupid, I kind of can’t afford to.

So if you want to nod and smile at the batshit crazy secessionists, fine. You and they can go find yourselves an island somewhere, move to it, cut yourself off from civilization (and civilized funds, of course), and stop making the rest of us look as stupid as you are.

In conclusion, Mr. Hair, please watch this. And then please go round up Cornyn and whats-er-face and the rest of your idiot friends and get the fuck out of my state.

No love,
Me

Dear, dear rest of the country:

The “durr hurr stoopid Texas ppl” jokes stopped being funny a long time ago. I see why you make them, but that doesn’t make them any more funny or any less ignorant.

Thanks much,
Me

*asbestos panties*

  • Posted on November 3, 2007 at 2:52 pm
asbestos-panties

HAY GUYS

Let’s say there’s a two-year-old, a niece or nephew or some distant relation or a friend’s kid, sitting in his high chair with his sippy cup of apple juice, poking a spoon around in his Elmo-shaped bowl of rice cereal while you’re puttering around doing grown-up things. And all of a sudden, this two-year-old kid flings his Elmo bowl of rice mush against the nearest wall and screams “FUCK!” at the top of his lungs.

Now, there are two ways you can deal with this. You can clean up the cereal, ignore the F-bomb, and go back about your business, or you can flip your shit. What do you think he’s going to do if you drop your grown-up business and come running, all “OH MY GOD YOU CAN’T SAY THAT THIS IS HORRIBLE, HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A MEAN THING?”

YES, HE’S GOING TO DO IT AGAIN, GO GET YOURSELF A GODDAMN COOKIE IF THAT WAS YOUR ANSWER

WRIMOS! Bitching about people saying OMGMEAN things does not count towards your word count. You are wasting writing time to bitch, whine, cry, and generally act all butthurt because someone whose opinion doesn’t mean shit is laughing at you. Sit down, shut the fuck up, and write your damn novella.

ANTIWRIMOS! You are expending precious time and energy to bitch, whine, cry, and generally act all butthurt over people doing something that is fun and does not hurt you in any way. I’m not laughing with you, I’m laughing at you. Sit down, shut the fuck up, and worry about your own life.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to resume having fun with my non-Nano writing project. OH YEAH, I SAID FUN, I WENT THERE.

disclaimer: person who wrote this post has written fanfic and is therefore entirely full of shit, pay no mind

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we can’t stop here, this is peanut country

  • Posted on October 4, 2007 at 3:27 pm

Apparently a lot of school cafeterias are banning peanuts in all their myriad forms these days, citing deathly allergic kids as the cause. Over the course of my preschool-to-graduation life, I went to:

  • two daycares
  • one Montessori school
  • four public elementary schools
  • two public junior high schools
  • one public high school

…none of which had a peanut ban in place. My high school alone served about a thousand kids. In all those years in all those schools, not a single kid died from peanut-related causes. I don’t know how it was at your schools, but a kid dying–for any reason–was a big huge fucking deal for the schools around here; I know I’d remember if it had happened.

I’m not saying nobody’s ever died from a kid eating a peanut butter sandwich fifty feet away, or that it’s never happened and never will, I’m just saying I find it weird that it’s suddenly become such a big deal now. Also observing that some peanut-ban proponents can get downright nasty about it, to the point where one has to wonder if, before opening a pack of peanuts in a public place, one should stand up and announce it to give those allergic time to leave the area. Or if one should just not eat peanuts in public ever at all.

Stray peanut molecules: the new secondhand smoke?

Oh man, it’s just like the good old days

  • Posted on September 26, 2007 at 10:26 am
oh-man-its-just-like-the-good-old-days

I was just thinking the other day, “you know, I haven’t seen any major wank involving Squidi in a couple years, I wonder what he’s up to these days?”

Now granted, I can dig being displeased about someone using an idea I came up with and claiming it was 100% his own. But, uh… dude, if you don’t want people to use your ideas without giving you credit, don’t tell people they can use your ideas without giving you credit.

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