Posts tagged with 'reading: this shit is crazy'

GET OFF MY LAWN YOU DAMN KIDS

  • Posted on December 1, 2010 at 11:55 am

A comment about A Clockwork Orange (the book), spotted on the Intarwebs:

I suppose books like this were done in lieu of home video, so people who’d seen the movie could enjoy the story and images and remember it. Coupled with the soundtrack album and a little imagination, the movie could be re-created in your mind.

*cry*

(spoiler: the book came first)

Viva la shit-weasels

  • Posted on September 25, 2010 at 8:33 pm

I just finished Dreamcatcher.

I am most amused that bacon saved the world, or at least played a part in such.

And now I definitely need some more Discworld.

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tl&d;dr

  • Posted on September 13, 2010 at 3:10 pm

So about 600 pages in, I have put my finger on exactly what my problem with the second Sword of Truth book is. It’s not just that it’s dragging, it’s not just that it’s depressing, it’s more than that.

A couple of years ago I took a Leisure Learning writing class. One of the ways one could flesh out a plot, we learned there, was to ask one question: what else can go wrong for this character?

Which is all well and good, but at some point shit has to stop going wrong and you have to let your universe be nice to your characters or else you end up with 900 pages of doom de doom doom doom de doomy doomy doom. IN ONE BOOK. OF TWELVE.

One of the example stories we looked at in that class was “Hansel and Gretel.” You have these two kids. First, their parents are assholes and dump them off in the woods. And then when they find their way home via a trail of pebbles, they get dumped in the woods again. And then the birds eat the bread crumbs they left to find their way home by. And then they find a gingerbread house which is awesome, but therein lives a witch who locks them up in cages because she wants to eat them.

But then, then they push the witch into the oven, run like hell, and are rescued by a kind woodsman who takes them home to his wife and they live happily ever after. And the story ends.

Now if Terry Goodkind had written it, that woodsman and his wife would have been even bigger assholes than Hansel and Gretel’s parents and given them a bowl of hot tar and a beating for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And then random bandits would come along and viciously murder Mr. and Mrs. Woodsman (which would fall under the “worse” column because naturally, 100 pages of thrice-daily tar and beatings later, Hansel and Gretel would be totally devoted to their new asshole parents) and sell Hansel and Gretel to slave traders. And then they would be sold to a mine where they’d have to gather burning sulfur with their teeth 23 hours a day. And then when they escaped, a wolf would grab Hansel and drag him away. Gretel would end up being “rescued” by a dude who does creepy shit to her for some crazy evil magic reason, and so on and so forth until Hansel showed up around page 850 with his new wolf family to save the day only to find out something horrible about their lineage or some shit, and that would end the first book of twelve or so.

Oh, and Gretel would be raped about twenty or thirty times. In each book.

I’ll stick with Stone of Tears–shit, I’ve already read 600 pages of the damn thing, I might as well finish it–and then depending on how it ends I might peek at the next book, but after that I’ll probably move on to some more Lemony Snicket which is at least depressing in an enjoyable way or run screaming back into the comforting embrace of Discworld.

Speaking of which, I just finished Guards! Guards! and I am told that’s not even the best Watch book by far, ohhhhh my God. ♥♥♥ Also, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this here, but I do so love that the greatest mathematician on the entire Disc is a camel named You Bastard.

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WE MEAT AGAIN

  • Posted on August 7, 2010 at 12:34 pm

First non-free book purchased for the Nook: John Dies at the End.

Awyeah.

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Dying of bad porn-induced lulz

  • Posted on August 5, 2010 at 10:03 pm

I’ve barely gotten into the second chapter of Serena L’Amour’s pr0n sampler and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve a) had to put the Nook down to keep from dropping it as I laugh myself sick, b) heard the needle-scraping-across-the-record noise in my head as I encounter a particularly jarring word (protip: “snatch” is about the least sexy word there is) or a typo that completely changes the scene, like say a missing “s” in “she,” c) made the ಠ_ಠ face, or d) done all of the above at once.

Yeah, this is totally getting posted to weepingcock.

Also the second chapter is dude-on-dude and drops a simile comparing the hair-pulling going on there to “two drunken women in a catfight.” I… I got nothin’.

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Something I have noticed while checking B&N for free and/or cheap shit to read

  • Posted on August 4, 2010 at 10:20 pm

A moderately disquieting number of the free eBooks are trashy romance novels or flat-out pr0n. For example: this one by someone writing under the name of, I shit you not, Serena L’Amour.

…you know what, fuck it, it’s free, if nothing else it might give me something to post to weepingcock.

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I has a nook.

  • Posted on August 4, 2010 at 8:25 pm

I’ve just spent like the last hour farting around with it and reading samples and daily stuff and poking things to see what they do. It is a wonderful device and B&N should feel good.

I have a good mind to make a Tobin’s Spirit Guide cover for it.

I should probably eat at some point tonight. Or I could just raid Project Gutenberg.

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