October 2009 Archives
And it’s only Tuesday.
Someone go push the “reset” button on this week, please.
(warning: both links likely to induce recursive rageface)
Ew.
No, seriously. If there is anyone reading this who thinks this is what an ideal woman should look like, please leave. No, seriously, get the fuck out.
THAT DOES NOT EVEN LOOK PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
brb, ruining science fiction
Basically, this d-bag’s whole problem boils down to “ew, girls.”
I tried to rage about it, but after a certain point you just kind of have to go “lol ok” and laugh because this guy nobody really ever seems to have heard of is spewing this colossal wall of text when he could have gotten the same sad, juvenile point across with this:
Also it kind of makes me want to write more West Wing/Fake News In Space. With extra gay.
Something I haven’t done in a while:
Fun with chaobell.net search requests!
why are there no hot dog carts in hermann park houston
There used to be! Mmm, street meat. I guess the same health department bullshit that keeps knocking good taco trucks off the road has hit the hot dog carts.
hamilton beach single serve blender hard to open
Did you try a hammer? This might void your warranty, though.
frozen bananas origin
The vast Antarctic banana plantations. Also your freezer.
do you see my fuckin face
No, actually, I don’t.
fuzzy worms with horms
As opposed to fuzzy worms with horns, I guess.
fire on my boobs
Stop, drop, and roll.
every woman i have ever met has rejected me
Let me guess: you’re a Nice Guy.
huge things in assholes
…and that would be our segue to the more NSFW requests from Ding Ding!
Tonight’s dinner: Chicken Carcass Tortilla Soup
I got a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store the other day. I love these things because I can get one and pretty much eat it all week. Sometimes I turn what’s left of it into soup, like so…
- one chicken carcass, skin, bones, and all–if there’s still huge chunks of good meat on it, like whole legs and whatever, that’s fine too
- Enough water to cover it in a big pot
- One can of Ro-Tel, drained
- One can of corn, drained
- A couple of carrots, sliced (or not)
- Garlic, minced
- Half an onion or so, chopped coarsely
- A handful of tortilla chips (get good ones, ffs don’t use Doritos–I like blue corn ones)
- Sour cream
- Shredded cheddar and/or Monterey Jack cheese
- Avocado chunks
Break up the chicken carcass if the wings and thighs are still attached and chuck it into a big pot. Add enough water to cover the chicken bits, turn the heat on medium-low, and let it simmer for a couple of hours. Taste the broth once in a while and salt or otherwise season as required.
When the broth is to your liking and whatever meat is left on your carcass is falling off it, there are two ways you can deal with the hunks of chicken carcass:
- Strain with a colander
- Fish everything that isn’t meat out with tongs–or at least attempt to, then get annoyed and just start grabbing everything and putting it in a big bowl
Either way, go to work with a fork or two to separate the meat from the things that aren’t meat. Put the meat back in the pot with the broth. Dispose of the bones, skin, gristly bits, and any other things you don’t want to eat.
Dump in the Ro-Tel, corn, carrots, garlic, and onion. Cover and simmer gently until the carrots are tender. Adjust seasoning as necessary.
Grab a bowl and a big handful of tortilla chips. Break the chips into bite-size pieces and put them in the bottom of the bowl. Ladle some soup on top of them. Add avocado chunks, a dollop of sour cream, and a sprinkle of cheese. Put it in your face.
BONUS RECIPE: the shameful MacGyver Cuisine version!
Pour chicken broth (or water and a chicken bouillon cube) in a bowl. Add a few heaping spoonfuls of chunky picante sauce. Nuke till hot. Add tortilla chips, avocado if you have it, sour cream, and cheese as in proper recipe.
I love my job
I made trophies for a zombie walk today.
After hours, I am also able to commandeer the laser engraver and scraps of plastic, metal, and cardboard to fabricate parts for a proton pack.
Addendum to previous post:
Or maybe not so much goal #3: 42:06.
I saw 44:someodd on the big shiny clock as I finished, but had no idea what my chip time actually was because a) I did not even think about my stopwatch-equipped watch until like mile 2, where I promptly glanced at said watch and went “d’oh” and b) the calm and leisurely procession to the actual start line after the horn went off felt like somewhere between two minutes and fifteen years, sometimes both at once.
Also I forgot to mention the dude in the kilt. Because there was a dude running in a kilt.
THAT WAS SO COOL.
So I ran a 5K this morning, and it was fucking awesome. I don’t know what my exact time was, as we left pretty much immediately after I snarfed up a bottle of water and a banana and they don’t have the results posted yet, but I’m fairly sure I finished under 40 minutes, which was goal #3. Goals #1 and #2 were “finish” and “not finish dead-ass last,” respectively, and there were plenty of blue bibs cruising along behind me so hey.
Also, for future reference: a tenth of a mile is a lot shorter than I thought. I passed the 3-mile marker, went “okay here we go time to start kicking for the finish line and–o shits what are the chip mats doing all the way back here? …oh lol n/m”
…I got up very early and it’s possible that I was not entirely coherent at that point, okay
Anyway, it is done, I lived, it was actually not bad at all, the volunteers were wonderful, the spectators were wonderful, the other runners were wonderful, and there was a guy dressed up as a knight riding a flamingo ahead of me.
